After a chillaxing Sunday spent on the beach, as I step in through the front door arriving home after at dusk, it hits me like a ton of bricks, as if someone has punched me in the stomach, the realisation that “Oh my God!” it is back to my 8- 5 unrelenting Groundhog Day tomorrow, it’s not a “blue” MONDAY it’s a very dark moody soul wrenchingly draining one! Most Mondays I instinctively chose a black outfit to wear and fooled myself and everyone around me by adding a colourful accessory to my dress that I was not in a deep dark head space because I was so unhappy in my working environment and with the job I was doing.
Instant Anxiety. Tears. De-pression. Debilitated. Helpless. Victim are words used best to describe the state I found myself in, especially as Monday drew closer.
As much as I try to stay present and enjoy the few hours left of my Sunday, I can’t stop my mind from racing forward into the future, about how much I hate my job, the mundane tasks I need to complete, and how unapproachable my boss is, and how incompetent I feel in his presence because of his big chip on his shoulder and his egotistical issues.
Even though I knew these were not my issues, I still received his responses and/or failure to direct and define his expectations of the role to heart, resulting in me doubting my capabilities and competence for the role despite my proven expertise obtained through years of working experience.
Doing the same mundane tasks in my job day in and day out is not what I am purposed to do. Intuitively I know this to be true.
It felt like I was surrounded by this dark black cloud and functioning on auto-pilot because I believed “I had no choice.”
You learn to believe that “Life is a struggle and work is not meant to be fun.” So, you continue to push through each day reminding yourself that you just need to make it through TODAY.
You bargain with yourself and reward yourself at day-end with whatever you need to for you to cope and power through another crappy day leading to forming another disastrous habit which you will need to face up to at some point down the road.
Can you relate?
Were you raised to believe that work or your job is not fun, and if you want to have fun you must go on holiday?
Yes, I hear my folks uttering these words too, all Baby Boomers who informed my decisions held the same limiting belief system. This is how I managed to work in jobs that I was not the right fit for, for almost two decades, with people who were not my tribe, for companies whose values I never shared in the end, rolling out processes that I never cared for.
To make matters worse I was seeking recognition from my team members and management for the strengths and value I added to their organizations, which sadly was never recognized or rewarded. So, there was no carrot dangling there for me either except that I needed to collect my pay cheque at month end.
The nagging voice that there MUST be more to life and work was not going leave quietly in the night.
I would always ask how others get to do work they love. If they can do it, why can’t I?
At some point, I knew I had to decide to change it.
I had to make it my mission to find a way to play myself to my strengths and not my limitations.
I had to align myself with my core being and do meaningful work aligned with my values, and interests, and be my authentic self.
I owed it to myself and my family to experience calm, freedom, and joy in my day, and to know what it feels like to get excited about the day ahead.
Is this you? Does every day at work especially on a Monday feel like it’s Groundhog Day again?
Are you dying to make a change but not sure where to start?
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